If you’re one of the moms who feels especially cared for, honored and loved on Mother’s Day, count your blessings. For many moms, this day can be rife with hurt feelings, dashed expectations, a reminder of great loss, more work than normal (wait… whose "DAY” is this?!?!), and disappointment. 

I’ve had a complicated relationship with Mother’s Day in the past… so I get it. 

There are some things you can do to support yourself if you’ve felt feelings of ambivalence in the past: 

1) Ask for what you want. 

I know… this is a CRAZY idea. But, give yourself some time to think about what it is that would bring you joy tomorrow. What would be meaningful to you? Is it some time away from the house and kids? Is it a handmade card? Breakfast in bed without having to clean the kitchen after?

Then… ask your family for it! Trust me… they will LOVE not guessing. 

2) Manage your expectations. 

Damn, mothers work hard. Like, everyday. So sometimes we can create a story that all of our labor and effort earns us… something? I mean, I wouldn’t be upset if confetti fell from the ceiling of my bedroom and a string quartet was set up in the living room to serenade me as I drank my morning coffee… but probably this isn’t going to happen. 

What’s realistic given the age and capacity of your kids? Do you have a partner/spouse who can/will contribute?

3) Don’t be afraid to receive

Did you get the most lovely surprise, or your loved ones are doing all of the things they know you love? Receive it. 

Allow them to unload the dishwasher, make your bed, or cook dinner. Allow yourself to let it in, and not worry about ‘having to do it all on your own’ (which we all so often do!!) They’re here to show you their appreciation. I know it can be hard to slow down, but take this day to give yourself the permission to sit back, relax, and soak in acts of love and kindness.

4) Celebrate yourself.

As moms it’s so easy for us to beat ourselves up about what ISN’T going well… We focus our thinking about ourselves as parents on the things we didn’t do… the time we yelled… the ineffective way we communicated the last time there was conflict. 

So how about take FIVE minutes… right now… and think of every GOOD thing you’ve done as a mom in the last month. OR write it in your journal. Let it IN. Feel a sense of pride and fulfillment. Give yourself the best Mother’s Day gift possible. Your own acknowledgement and appreciation of a job well done. 

5) Honor those passed.

Lastly, Mother’s Day can be really difficult for many who have lost someone close to them. It doesn’t matter if the loss was recent or many years ago, the pain can bubble up and cause loneliness. 

Honor them. Make mother’s day a time to celebrate, remember and cherish their lives. It can be very difficult watching others out to brunch or showering their mothers with gifts. Do something they would have done. Make their favorite dessert and bring it to a mutual friend to enjoy together. Buy someone flowers in their color or donate to a charity in their honor. Reach out to one of their friends and spend a few minutes remembering her together. 

Loss is an important part of life and you don’t need to go it alone. If you know someone who has lost someone recently… take a moment on Mother’s Day to reach out to them. I am sure they would appreciate even a virtual hug… 

One of our guiding philosophies here at The Jai Institute for Parenting is that we can’t give others what we don’t have for ourselves. Celebrate YOU, Mama. You’re doing amazing. 

You’re here. You’re learning and growing as a person in the name of being a better parent. 

I truly hope you have a magical day tomorrow.

Meet Your Author, Kiva Schuler
Jai Co-Founder and CEO

Kiva’s passion for parenting stemmed from her own childhood experiences of neglect and trauma. Like many of her generation, she had a front row seat to witnessing what she did not want for her own children. And in many ways, Jai is the fulfillment of a promise that she made to herself when she was 16 years old… that when she had children of her own, she would learn to parent them with compassion, consistency and communication. 

Kiva is a serial entrepreneur, and has been the marketer behind many transformational brands. Passionate about bringing authenticity and integrity to marketing and sales, she’s a sought after mentor, speaker and coach.