I wrote a post on Facebook this week about the way I run my business. And as I wrote it, I realized something profound…
The way I run my business is exactly
the same way I approach parenting. Based on the peaceful, collaborative values, tools and perspectives that we teach at The Jai Institute for Parenting.
And it is precisely because of these values, that I don’t run a ‘power-over’ model in my business any more than I run a ‘power-over’ model in any other area of my life.
Because, just as this model creates conflict and disconnect in our families, it does the very same thing in our work lives. And what I’ve discovered is that these principles have changed the way I live, in every way, for the better.
But there’s something that brings me even deeper joy.
My team environment feels different than any other team I’ve ever worked with (and they often tell me they feel the same).
They have ultimately responded to my peaceful leadership style in the very same way my children did when I started parenting in a conscious, peaceful way…
They are free. They are happy. And when there’s a problem, they’re not afraid to come to me.
They know on every level that they are loved, respected and valued. As a result, we give each other the very best of what we have to offer, every day. And together, we get to change the world for parents and children everywhere.
Here is the original post I wrote...
I do not get shamed into "good behavior." In fact, when I feel shamed I am pretty reliably going to revert to "bad behavior."
I cover my head in my hidey-hole of no-one-can-see-me-if-I'm-in-here-ness. My WORST tendencies come out to play... stubbornness, conflict avoidance, blaming others... I could go on.
I HATE "getting in trouble." Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate it. HATE. IT.
And I'm a freaking 48-year-old woman. It's rather ridiculous that this program even runs in my system. I left a marriage where I was always "in trouble." I've left jobs and relationships (of the love, professional, and friend variety) when I'd too often find myself "in trouble."
It is a hard NO for me. So in my business, we have a culture of NOT GETTING IN TROUBLE.
Everyone gets to make mistakes. No one is ever in trouble. At first, this felt like an integrity thing for me. Because how could I possibly do something to other people, who I bear responsibility for, that sends me into a destructive shame cycle.
What I've witnessed is how my whole team, ranging in age from 20 to 70+ have this program running... How there's a pervasive fear of "getting in trouble." When they find out that they won't here, there's a period of recalibration...
Of not trusting that this could be. Inevitably, they end up on a call with Katie Owen, aka our resident team therapist, who assures them...
"No. Really. You can't get in trouble here. You get to make mistakes."
Nervous systems relax. Joy. I mean REAL, unabashed joy and L.O.Y.A.L.T.Y. fill in the gaps where fear lived. Creativity gets unleashed. Epic responsibility becomes the culture.
I was selfishly motivated when I rooted in my knowing that I wasn't going to do the power-over management thing. On this team, if you can't swim (hard!) without me telling you to do so, it's not the team for you.
But the miracles I witness, everyday, because of this implicit trust, and safety, and LOVE... OMG IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE OTHER WAY.
I've heard myself say, more and more frequently on interviews, that women know how to create a business that works for women.
And I'm watching myself do this. I'm watching myself find trust in a system that surrenders to the mess and the flow, and the inconsistencies and the miracles. Where we are learning to do the data, and metrics and KPI's LAST.... not first.
And where no one ever gets in trouble. And everybody gets to make mistakes. (Even... well, especially... me.)
Meet Your Author, Kiva Schuler,
Jai Co-Founder and CEO
Kiva’s passion for parenting stemmed from her own childhood experiences of neglect and trauma. Like many of her generation, she had a front row seat to witnessing what she did not want for her own children. And in many ways, Jai is the fulfillment of a promise that she made to herself when she was 16 years old… that when she had children of her own, she would learn to parent them with compassion, consistency and communication.
Kiva is a serial entrepreneur, and has been the marketer behind many transformational brands. Passionate about bringing authenticity and integrity to marketing and sales, she’s a sought after mentor, speaker and coach.
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