Peaceful parenting is all about reconditioning ourselves away from the power-over or power-under methods of parenting that have been taught for centuries, towards a more empowered, peaceful and connection-based way of parenting.

We are now learning through new developments in neuroscience, that children cognitively need empathy, connection, and the allowance of their emotions with non-judgment in order to grow up to be emotionally mature adults. 

Holding space and providing this key information to parents is just one of the roles an Empowered Parenting Coach plays in the lives of their clients.

Many parents ask how they can become their child’s emotion coach out of a desire to create a more secure attachment to their child’s emotions. Since children naturally have such big emotions, when we can teach them about their emotions and how to self-regulate, they can feel safer while experiencing big emotions.

The process of unlearning how we've been trained and conditioned for many generations to respond to our children's emotions can be an uncomfortable experience. Learning how to hold the space for our child’s emotions really means stepping back and not controlling the process of how our children express those emotions, which is a big departure from the way most of us were parented.

This does not mean that boundaries are non-existent in this space. It is critical that in these moments there is no hitting, violence, or actions which go against family values. AND with our boundaries in place, we no longer have to be afraid of our children’s emotions or how they express them. 

When our fear dissipates, so can the labels, the blame, and the shame that come with reacting rather than responding to our child(ren)’s emotions. When we feel safe, so do they.

The Benefits of This Process

In removing the need for shaming, blaming, or labeling our children—in this newfound emotional safety we gain by understanding them—there are many benefits to allowing children to feel seen and heard while expressing their emotions. When we raise children that are comfortable and confident in their emotions, they are able to…

1. Self-soothe

2. Show up

3. Communicate

4. Problem-solve

5. Make difficult decisions

6. Take action steps

It is through empathy, connection, and allowing with non-judgment that our children will grow up into self-sufficient, emotionally mature adults.

What If It’s Not Working?

If you’ve tried this process, and you are experiencing a sense of, “It’s not working!” or “It’s making everything worse!” don’t give up! 

Go about this process of change with curiosity, and keep in mind the idea of anchoring and co-anchoring. You learn how to do this by understanding your own nervous system, brain, and emotions and how you can regulate and create safety in yourself, so that you can be grounded enough to be that anchor for your children and show up for their emotions. This is where parent coaching can be a truly invaluable support, giving you the guidance, help and judgment-free environment you need to change how you want to be with your children and yourself. 

When we are not grounded, we can be saying the “right things,” showing up for our children verbally; but when we’re feeling one way while speaking another way, our children can sense this and still feel unsafe.

When we’re showing a lack of security, that’s what’s going to be felt by our children, not our well-intentioned but hollow words.

Our non-verbal communication is just as important as our verbal communication.

Dropping Our Anchor

The changes that come with doing this anchoring work do not happen overnight. We can’t just expect to snap ourselves and our children into a sense of safety on demand. This is a long process, with many ups and downs AND it is by far one of the best things you can do for yourself and your child(ren).

Once we learn how to anchor ourselves, we learn how to hold back our words, even when they may seem helpful. 

We learn how to best serve our children through their individual and complex makeup.

This happens through grounding ourselves, dropping our anchor, and observing our child with curiosity and a deep desire to understand them, their feelings, and their needs. When we serve our children in this way, we show up for them as their safe harbor.

Emotionally supporting our children is not a one size fits all approach.

We create each unique safe harbor for each of our unique children.

If learning how to engage in this work for yourself, your children, your family or for your community sounds transformational to you, consider looking into an incredibly  rewarding career in parent coaching.